Things Not to Say to a Woman Who Miscarried

Recently, I learned a lot about myself as well as others. Miscarriage is an invisible heartbreak. Words meant to comfort can sometimes wound deeper.

If you’re supporting someone who has miscarried, here are phrases to avoid and why:

1. “At least it was early.”
Grief isn’t measured in weeks. A bond begins the moment a woman knows she’s pregnant.

2. “You can always try again.”
While true, it minimizes the loss of this baby. It’s not about replacing; it’s about mourning.

3. “Everything happens for a reason.”
This can feel cruel, suggesting their baby’s death was necessary. Sometimes there is no reason — just pain.

4. “At least you know you can get pregnant.”
Fertility doesn’t erase grief. The baby who was lost still matters.

5. “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”
This phrase invalidates the hope, love, and dreams that already existed for that baby.

6. “At least you have other children.”
Love for one child doesn’t erase the longing for another. Grief and gratitude can coexist.

7. “Your baby is in a better place / with God now.”
Religious phrases, even if heartfelt, may not align with her beliefs and can feel invalidating. Unless you know her faith deeply, avoid spiritual assumptions.

8. “Maybe it happened because you were ____ (breastfeeding, exercising, stressed, etc.).”
Blame only adds guilt to grief. Miscarriage is almost never caused by something a mother did or didn’t do.

9.Silence or avoidance.
Not saying anything at all can feel like their loss is invisible. A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” means more than you know.

⸻

What to say instead:
• “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
• “I’m here if you want to talk or if you just need someone to sit with you.”
• “Your baby mattered.”

Have you heard any of these?
Share in the comments — let’s spread awareness together.